a mantra

500practice

sometimes i let things build in my mind.  i create stories that are not reality.  sometimes this is beautiful and sometimes this is a real barrier.

sometimes i tend to tasks immediately.  sometimes i let them sit for days, weeks, months, years.  {yes, years}

i dislike this tendency of mine.  and i know it’s completely in my control to shift this tendency.  i know that ultimately i am the only one who can get myself unstuck.

and the thing is, when i finally get unstuck and get to the doing, it feels so f-ing good.  like disproportionately good.  the sweetness and the satisfaction is beyond anything i could have imagined.
and i wonder how much energy i waste in the not-doing.  how much energy do i expend shifting the piles of paper?  how much energy do i waste worrying about the quality of my work and what people might think about it?  worrying so much that i don’t ever do it?

if i’m honest, this makes me a little sad.

it seems straightforward.  show up, do the job, done.  but hell if the getting-started doesn’t freeze me up time and time again.
i’m aware of this dynamic in my life.  and i believe that counts for something…the awareness.

and so, daily, i remind myself to show up.  this is my mantra.  it is a work in progress; i am a work in progress.
i show up.  i do.  i try.
i practice.

sending a little love your way, m

 

 

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14 thoughts on “a mantra

  1. LOVE this.
    You spoke my heart.
    I know I’m a late join, but I had to comment.
    I go through this everyday with my work, this moment even.
    Have to keep on.

  2. Pingback: a little break |
  3. Like the others have said..”You are talking about me.” I needed this today. It could have been a day of procrastination and you reminded me of how good it can feel to do.

  4. Are you in my head Michelle? I could have written this post…I put things off and don’t write because of what? fear? Thank you a million times for this…I need to keep reminding myself to keep showing up! xo

  5. Does it help knowing you are not alone? I do this as well. I learned about a concept called “the declining utility of money”. Basically it’s about the list of things you would buy if you had the money. As you spend money (time) you accumulate the things you want (get stuff done). As you move down the list you are buying things that didn’t mean as much to you as the items that were higher on the list. So in actuality you are buying things you don’t really want a whole lot. In other words, you value them less. The same with procrastinating on projects. The longer you put off what you want to do, the less value it has. You are actually discounting its value by saying “I can do that later”. Get it? So if it’s something you really care about, do it. If you don’t really give a shit, strike it off your list and stop beating yourself up over it.

    P.S. Is this a new blog?

    1. cheryl, it absolutely helps knowing i’m not alone…so much comfort knowing many of us work on this side by side.

      and the blog…same one i’ve had for 1 1/2 years now ;)

  6. I can add to the “me, too” chorus, but want to offer this: When it comes to creative work (not the pile of papers, sadly), I’ve been wondering if the not-starting is somehow part of the process. There have been times I’ve just forced myself to start doing–and so far, it never seems to work for me. It doesn’t feel good and I don’t get far.

    Although it feels like I’m not starting–because I’m not making–I am thinking thinking thinking. Yes, often about how I should be starting instead of thinking, but also about how to start and what to do. I think accepting that this is how I work creatively is helping me. At the least, I’m spending less time feeling negatively about myself.

  7. I think you are surrounded by many, including myself that struggle with this continuely. I too have somethings that sit for days, weeks, months and even years. I find though that once I get momentume, I can usually keep it all going for a little while until something pops up and throws me off and then I have to start again. I have also come to understand and accept that this is part of my process, like it or not. Maybe one day it will be different, maybe not but I have to be kind and gentle with myself about it and keep showing up – that’s the space where the growing happens. You help us all grow through your sharing. Thank you as always. xo

  8. Writing my list in the early mornings is what makes me accountable. I do know that feeling you get when you attend to the do it later stuff. Especially the creative stuff that feeds a soul. Why? do we/I put that aside over chores?? Silly.

  9. I struggle with this so much – but I think it’s human. Having the internal voice(s) argue about what we should or shouldn’t be doing with our time…and the external pressures confusing us to boot. I’ve found there is some gentleness in the doing that works. When I force myself it’s just that much worse. But if I allow myself to pick and choose what will make me happiest now… or entice myself with the joy I’ll feel when the dreaded task is done… then it is so sweet. Love your blog !

  10. But sometimes it just seems so Hard! I am going to follow your example, show up and get the job done. No whining or putting things off!
    Have a great weekend.

  11. You ARE talking about me! Oh my how I struggle with my barriers. Thank you for re-centering me enough today to restart my inner dialogue and steer it in a different, more positive direction. PS: I was visiting my Mom the other day and the sachet you so kindly made her is sitting beside her bed near her beloved books! xo

  12. You could be talking about me. I hear and live every word.

    Sending some love back to you, have a great weekend.

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