I am a mother and, while what I share here doesn’t focus on motherhood per se, I am forever colored by that experience. If you’ve been with me for a while, you know this.
Having just celebrated my daughter’s twelfth birthday and my son’s sixteenth, I am shaking my head and nursing my heart at the turn of calendar pages, at the trips around the sun. Discussions of time keep coming to me. Perhaps this shouldn’t surprise me…much of what I write/photograph points to a conscious consideration and celebration of the minutes in one’s day. And yet, I am surprised. Messages tucked into a novel, an Instagram photo, a question posed, an overheard conversation. Even this post, which I wrote yesterday, surprised me in its shape.
The clock is ticking. I don’t necessarily feel pressure in that; perhaps it’s more a degree of tension. How could I not? How could you not? Time shapes our days, providing framework for what needs doing and what actually gets done. It opens space for certain activities and closes it for others. There are only so many hours in a day, after all.
In a fairly banal manner, I will say that time is a funny thing. When I dive to the core of it, as a mother, I will say of time (as I wrote in the post linked above): In the middle of the night, it can seem fearfully long; on your child’s sixteenth birthday, it can seem frightfully short.
I think about the passage of time, both in a day and over the decades. I think about the choices I make (and, as I write this, I am clear on the inherent privilege I enjoy in making choices) (indeed). I think about the way life seems to balance itself out. And I don’t mean balance as in a goal to achieve or a state of zen. I mean balance as a fact of life. Like a seesaw that constantly teeters, like the ocean’s surface that undulates in waves, like the seasons of nature cycling. Balance as movement. Balance as gentle continuance. Balance as stumbling and picking oneself up again.
And I want to say that I know it’s hard. Sometimes it’s hard to make choices (even understanding the privilege of choice, it’s still hard); sometimes it’s hard to embrace the notion of time. I want you to know that, although what I share here and on Instagram may give the appearance that I’m zen and smooth, I assure you that my feathers get ruffled. I live by the same time constraints as you.
Yes, time is a funny thing.
Sending a little love your way, m
Michelle GD 
oh, michelle… i have been thinking about these things too. my oldest will be 17 in september and the ‘littles’ just turned 14. time is clipping along so quickly i can hardly stand it. my mom asked me last night if some of my anxiety (trouble sleeping, difficulty turning off my brain) has to do with the fact that i’m running out of time – that my kids will be gone before i know it. maybe, that’s true, i’m not sure. but, it’s crossed my mind more than a few times. xo
funny how relative things are…your ‘littles’ being 14. I just can’t quite wrap my head around these kids of ours growing so fast!
ohmy… xo
What, wait?! You mean you are NOT always Zen-like in real life? ; ) I imagine even the Dalai Lama has his days where his feathers get ruffled. : ) The scary thing about time is that once the kids are out of the house it seems to speed up even more…at least it has for me! The weeks just fly by, which in a way is a good sign that I am busy and engaged but also a little frightening; I can no longer keep my girls’ ages straight, how did they grow up so quickly? The key is to do as you so often write about, try to be present for each moment no matter how mundane; soak each in and give thanks for another day being here in this beautiful albeit sometimes crazy world. xoxo
heehee ;)
you’re probably right about the Dalai Lama…he’s human, after all. and, I find the older I get, time flies by faster each year. I can’t imagine what it will be like once the kids are out of the house…it’s why I appreciate so much hearing experience from moms who’ve been through this…so thank you.
and as you wrote: soak each in and give thanks for another day being here in this beautiful albeit sometimes crazy world.
yes, I like that.
hang on tight! I loved LOVED the teen years and all the angst involved. I think I’m one of the few that do. And while I watched my full time parenting job come to an end with each year in hs I planned what I would do when they were out of the house. That is what kept me happy. Having plans.
thank you for sharing this, Karen. I’ve enjoyed every stage with the kids so far, so I’m trusting it will be the same for the teens years. good so far…but, boy, it’s a whole new set of challenges! and I like very much how you planned for yourself. yes, seems like you’ve transitioned beautifully into this next phase with your adult kids. thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom.
I love that it’s your truth you live by and share too… ruffled feathers and bad language and Haribo hereat times… though the language only when I’m on my own muttering… xxxx bigger the zen at times I say xx have a lovely weekend. And really 16 is just ten plus some months isn’t it?
Sent from my iPhone
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bad language here at times too ;)
and I love what you wrote about 16 really just being ten plus some months…I’ll remember that.
thank you for this and for you. xo