In my April Note last week, I shared a quote. I wrote that this quote was staying with me, playing over and over in my mind. This is still the case, the playing over and over, so I thought I’d share the quote here too.
We are not feeling our feelings in order to get rid of them. We are feeling them because that’s the process that’s happening right now. I’m not looking for who you can become. I am looking at who you are now and how I am with you. That’s love.
~ Thomas Huebl ~
I keep thinking about the pressure so many of us feel to know exactly where we’re headed. To have clear goals and solid stepping stones in place to reach those goals. The pressure to get it right, do it right, be right. And what this Huebl quote brought up for me is that there’s a fine line between looking to the horizon and staying in our now.
I’m walking that fine line, navigating my now with an eye to the future. Trying hard (maybe too hard) to get all my stepping stones perfectly in place so that I can step my way into the future.
And I think this is good, is wise. Except if there’s clinging or grasping to those stones I place down. Except if I’m so concerned with who I might become (and where I might step) that I get a blurred vision of who I am (and where I’m stepping) right now.
I write (and feel) all of this while placing stones for the future as my teenage children move closer to adulthood. With a son in college and daughter soon to follow, a lot is shifting in my life. A lot. I’ve spent the last 15 years as a homeschooling parent. I’ve created quiet places to gather with some of you, but my focus has always been the day-to-day care of my family and home. That will continue in some form. But it’s also going to change.
What will that look like? I don’t know. Who will I be? I don’t know.
I’ll keep a gentle eye on the horizon; I’ll continue to place stepping stones. But I want to be careful I don’t succumb to outside expectations of who I should be and how I should be. I want to be careful to continue looking inside with love and curiosity while also looking compassionately at who (and what) is outside of me. Right now.
A fine line, as I said.
Yesterday morning, at the bottom of my journal page, I pasted some words I’d clipped from a magazine. This clipping had been laying on my desk for weeks (maybe months) just waiting to be pasted. Usually, I clip words and keep them in a little tin for future collage in my journal. These words, for some reason, I’d left sitting on my desk. Until yesterday. As I wrote my last lines on the journal page, I already knew that I was going to put my pen down and grab the glue stick. As I wrote the last word, I knew I was going to paste this phrase onto the bottom of my page: Inhale, Exhale, Go.
And then I wrote: Yes, good, and carry on.
Ready? Let’s carry on. As we are, right now.
sending a little love your way, m