I never take off by myself, but I tell my family that I need to be alone. I crank the music and drive back roads, stopping to take a picture of cows who look my way, then return to their business of standing in a wet field munching wet grass. From the cows, I head to a local nature sanctuary. I’m the only one there. It’s drizzly, misty. I walk to the pond, then turn into the trees, walk up a hill, down a hill, up a hill, find my way to the meadow. I walk along the meadow path and take a thousand photos. Okay, not a thousand, but a lot. It’s kind of wonderful not to worry about running to catch up with anyone, kind of wonderful to stop-click whenever I want, kind of wonderful to Just Be Alone. And though it’s a dreary day, it’s also lovely. The greys and rusty browns surround me (embrace me) and I feel a yes yes yes within my tender-that-day heart.
We finally get snow. This makes me happy. Every day this week, I see white white white and feel yes yes yes deep within. One morning, in the dairy farmer’s field that backs up to our yard, I see a deer running. I feel another yes yes yes.
There are Covid booster shots for me and the kids this week. Another yes yes yes, in a roundabout sort of way. I think life is generally a roundabout sort of affair, with twists and turns, curves and hills, pauses and restarts, about-faces, easings-in, draggings-on. I take a deep breath, round the next bend.
My husband and I watch PBS’s Extinction: The Facts. I tell him that I’m going to tell everyone to watch this. (I’m starting by telling you)
I read Rumi’s The Guest House to my yoga students at the end of class. It resonates. Her words, his voice, floating with yes yes yes as we talk after class. These lines: Welcome and entertain them all! / Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, / who violently sweep your house / empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. / He may be clearing you out / for some new delight. And: Be grateful for whatever comes, / because each has been sent / as a guide from beyond.
I don’t know the twists and turns this new year will take. I’ll get there when I get there. For now, I hold yes yes yes closely, lightly. How else is there to be??
sending a little love your way, m
P.S. I’d love for you to join me for a short meditation (no experience needed!) and writing group (no experience needed for that either!) this month. We meet on Wednesday, January 19 for The Quiet Page. Details are right here.