joy

On a hazy afternoon, we get boba tea, a treat my daughter and I have been delaying, delayed no more. Brown sugar, milk, tea, a happy drink, almost a snack we say, with those chewy little drops of joy suspended in sweetened tea goodness. Driving home with the pup snuggled on the seat next to her, sipping our tea, chewing on joy, together. Joy in a cup, joy in the heart, I’m all for joy.

There’s the first day of my son’s job, old enough now for this phase of life to begin. What, how, really? He’s been waiting for his start date and then it’s all of a sudden, here for breakfast, gone till dinner. I wasn’t ready, except I was, because I must be. Bittersweet, hints of joy.

A Prince song (artist formerly known as) comes on the car radio, Little Red Corvette, I turn up the volume, see on the screen that it was released in 1983, the year I was twelve, the year my dad passed away. I immediately feel a sadness within me, didn’t know that Little Red Corvette would do that to me, has ever done that to me. There’s no connection between a corvette or the artist or the song and my dad, only the year, ’83. I’ve more or less made peace with my dad’s passing but sometimes I feel his absence deeply, or maybe I feel his presence, I don’t know. Is this joy in disguise?

I work on a new writing project with a wonderful client. It’s a quick job, needed in a hurry, and as we talk on Zoom, as I listen to the story wanting and needing to be said, I am working but am aware of how incredibly relaxed I feel. This client is a gift – her work in and to this world, yes – but also the way we have come together, brought to me on the wings of a colleague and friend, brought to me I think, now, on the wings of joy. 

If joy were an animal, it might be a bird, a tiny sparrow maybe, or chickadee. If it were a drink, it would surely be boba. And if joy were a profession, for me, it is motherhood, it is writing, it is art, it is expression. I move through the days, the weeks, this month, joy appearing in unexpected places. It’s quiet, this joy, not at all flashy, landing in my heart, easing the unnecessary lift of my shoulders, settling in the softness of my belly. Hello, joy, I see you now. Sometimes you’re hazy, hard to see, but ohmygoodness, my vision is getting so much clearer.

If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.
~ Eleonora Duse ~

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