hush

The day begins with a walk in the barely-there light, with a hush I can almost taste.

This hush stays with me as I visit a good friend. We share stories we’ve gathered over the past few weeks, scribble heart-words on strips of paper, strike matches and touch flame to paper, watch the paper (watch heart-words) burn in a soapstone bowl. We call in, we let go; what burns we will re-create, re-envision, re-ignite.

Later, when the sun dips low, I light candles, turn on any twinkle lights that aren’t already on, roast butternut squash, pour a glass of white wine. There’s a grocery list to make, a load of laundry to fold, a table to set. There is still, and also, a hush.

I know better than to grasp or hold too tightly… the hush, or anything. I float through the day, sleep through the night, wake to the next day, a new day, a day (in truth) unlike any other. I hold it all loosely, though with a quiet kind of fervor. Here, as I walk the pup and breathe cold air; this, as we eat together; stay with me, as we take a night drive to see the lights; let it be so, as we say goodnight. I know better than to grasp or hold too tightly but ohmygoodness, please, more hush.

I watch a candle flicker, looking for the place where dark and light meet, the spot where one thing ends and another begins, am looking (again) for a delineation. If I pass my finger through the flame quickly, the flame’s shape, its edge, its place of beginning (or its place of ending) changes. There’s something to this, this blurring of edges, that feels an invitation. I step inside.

Where does a hush begin, and where does it end? I am inside one and have no sense of its beginning or end, no sense of its edges or shape. It simply is, I simply am. I know better than to grasp or hold too tightly, choose instead to walk a little more slowly, light a few more candles, whisper more thank you’s and I love you’s.

It’s all so very delicious.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

~ Hamilton Wright Mabie ~

belated solstice wishes and
wishes for a gentle holiday season.
merry, merry and love to you… xm